So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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