I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
