Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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