And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
