so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
