she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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