i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
