I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
