On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
