i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Semen is not good for contacts.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
