so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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