he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
