I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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