he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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