You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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