Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
