Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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