break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
