I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
