A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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