You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
