my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
