Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
