i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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