the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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