Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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