the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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