FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
