There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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