Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
