Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
