Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
