So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
