Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
