I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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