he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
