he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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