I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
