I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
