So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
