$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
