you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
