im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
