Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
