Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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