Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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