I just pynch a tree in the face
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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