Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
