how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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