shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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