I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
