maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
