i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
