I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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