You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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