im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
