I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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