"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
