so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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