his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
