tell your sister to shave her snatch
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
