I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
