i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you would pick up someone in the library
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
