You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
